Since coming out to myself in October of 2010, I have felt rather uncomfortable with going to church yet even being around my immediate family. I have been blessed being LDS and with a good family. Although I have always felt like the ugly duckling of the family. I was always the perfect little nice boy growing up, I was well behaved. Recently though it has seemed like there has been conflicts between my parents and I.
Being gay and trying to stay active in the church as well as obedient is a hard issue for me. Recently I have had the desire to take a step away from being active and at least go 1 to 2 times a month to church. In October 2010, I started drinking weekends. Then decided to stop and get back to being worthy, especially for my favorite cousin's sealing in September of 2011. After his sealing I kinda went back to drinking but on occasion. I know what the word of wisdom says, I know alcohol is bad. I have turned to it sometimes as a way to escape my battles. As for my family, they are all devout, strong, faithful members. They however, emphasize "the church says this about this..." in a way it has done nothing but bring me down. My parents and brother are the only ones who know that I am gay. My sisters don't know yet. I realize living at home is another thing that has weighed on me and my family. Everyone says when you live away, you appreciate your family. I have repeatedly told myself I need to get out and on my own, but I don't make the effort to do it.
On facebook I have posted statuses regarding my view on marriage equality and my mom has decided to take offense to it. She worries about what relatives and her friends will think and say. This has been a big problem of frustration I have with the church. The church tells people they have agency and yet instructs it's members that you can't do that. I have told my mother that I have the agency to say what I feel. Tonight I kind of took things a little to far by saying how much I hated BYU on facebook, and made comments saying it's not the Lord's University and Screw BYU. My mom was livid and worried about people seeing my post. In reality people need to realize we have opinions and to respect each others differences. I shouldn't have posted the screw BYU comment. I wish the church wouldn't brainwash its members to condone issues and opinions. Like in previous posts the church has recently emphasized on not judging or ridiculing others. I hope one day my mom will be understanding of me and not so much worried about what others think.
In Conclusion, I feel like if I moved out/away these issues will be resolved as well as me having more freedom and agency to do what I want and what will make me happy. I miss being accepted by my family members as well as treated with respect. My only wish is that someday I will be.
SUCH IS LIFE
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Facebook. Show all posts
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Love and Human Rights
This week was a bit painful seeing as a gay human being, especially in such a conservative religious area. I saw alot of hateful and homophobic comments on facebook from people who I thought were supportive of me. The issue regarding Chic-Fil-A speaking out against gay rights was an annoyance. Seeing both sides of the issue on facebook was pure annoyance in general. I am not a big fan of politics, but when it comes to my rights as a gay being I feel like I should have equal rights as heterosexuals.
In High School I didn't think much of dating girls and all, but I also didn't think too much of my orientation. One thing that I believed was and still is that any human being should have the right to marry whatever sex they please. Love is a universal thing, love is a gift for everyone. Therefore, If you truly love someone and want to be with them forever why not be granted that gift. Is homosexual marriage going to affect heterosexuals? I know I am on a ranting right now, but why is it that most lds, conservative, and hateful people hate on us when we are the ones that just want to be allowed the same right as heteros.
As for the Chic-Fil-A comment and stance on Gay Marriage, I feel it is wrong to come out and rip on the gays and lesbians and Trans. You don't see Walmart coming out and speaking hate against humans. I understand people have opinions and especially in a Commercialized Setting, you shouldn't state your opinion to the world and speak evil. What also got me frustrated was the fact that many people went to Chic-Fil-A on the 1st, to me it was like a big "F*** You Gays", seeing people rip the LGBT's apart on social media networks got to me and I decided to post a status on my facebook. Later that day my mom told me she was disappointed in me for posting that. It got my disappointed in her as well. What I realize too is people don't understand what we go through.
Recent news with me, this week I came out to 2 additional people who I look up to. One is my right-winged Uncle who has clearly stated he opposes homosexual marriages. He has asked me numerous of times if I am gay and I have just been quiet. This week I went swimming with some of my closest supportive friends, All of one of them didn't know I was gay. While we were chilling in the pool we had a discussion about gays in the church and it was a good biased convo. On my way home from swimming I texted my friend who didn't know and told him I am in fact gay. His reaction was supportive.
I know I have supportive friends, some of which support human rights (gay marriage and etc.). I also have friends and family which love me, but in general don't feel good about me being gay. It is hard telling people I am Gay and can't help it, but I surely did not choose to be this way. I am glad to be a gay individual in the Mormon church and have learned alot about my self. I sometimes wish my close friends and family who don't get where I'm coming from could walk a mile in my shoes as a gay person. I find it hard being gay, but also amazing because I have been blessed with many new friends who love and support me. I have been blessed of being a part of a LGBT & Straight Allied Mormon Group here in the Phoenix metro area. I also have friends who support me and want me to be blessed as they are.
In High School I didn't think much of dating girls and all, but I also didn't think too much of my orientation. One thing that I believed was and still is that any human being should have the right to marry whatever sex they please. Love is a universal thing, love is a gift for everyone. Therefore, If you truly love someone and want to be with them forever why not be granted that gift. Is homosexual marriage going to affect heterosexuals? I know I am on a ranting right now, but why is it that most lds, conservative, and hateful people hate on us when we are the ones that just want to be allowed the same right as heteros.
As for the Chic-Fil-A comment and stance on Gay Marriage, I feel it is wrong to come out and rip on the gays and lesbians and Trans. You don't see Walmart coming out and speaking hate against humans. I understand people have opinions and especially in a Commercialized Setting, you shouldn't state your opinion to the world and speak evil. What also got me frustrated was the fact that many people went to Chic-Fil-A on the 1st, to me it was like a big "F*** You Gays", seeing people rip the LGBT's apart on social media networks got to me and I decided to post a status on my facebook. Later that day my mom told me she was disappointed in me for posting that. It got my disappointed in her as well. What I realize too is people don't understand what we go through.
Recent news with me, this week I came out to 2 additional people who I look up to. One is my right-winged Uncle who has clearly stated he opposes homosexual marriages. He has asked me numerous of times if I am gay and I have just been quiet. This week I went swimming with some of my closest supportive friends, All of one of them didn't know I was gay. While we were chilling in the pool we had a discussion about gays in the church and it was a good biased convo. On my way home from swimming I texted my friend who didn't know and told him I am in fact gay. His reaction was supportive.
I know I have supportive friends, some of which support human rights (gay marriage and etc.). I also have friends and family which love me, but in general don't feel good about me being gay. It is hard telling people I am Gay and can't help it, but I surely did not choose to be this way. I am glad to be a gay individual in the Mormon church and have learned alot about my self. I sometimes wish my close friends and family who don't get where I'm coming from could walk a mile in my shoes as a gay person. I find it hard being gay, but also amazing because I have been blessed with many new friends who love and support me. I have been blessed of being a part of a LGBT & Straight Allied Mormon Group here in the Phoenix metro area. I also have friends who support me and want me to be blessed as they are.
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